A life of my own begins......

To the masses.."those ones" that believe they own a piece of me. For all you've done, and said.

I am tired of being told what God would have me wear. How God would have me act. Who God would have me be. Where God would have me go. I am tired of you choosing how my relationship with God should be. It is just that- MY relationship with God, and therefore between he and I. And for your information- He is my best friend.

I am tired of you deciding your way is better than mine. I am tired of being told that I haven't listened to the spirit.  I am more than exhausted with being told that I'm meant to be your wife. Meant to have your children. Meant to be with you. I'm irritated that you believe you've received that revelation for me. 

I am tired of being told who my friends should be, who i should and shouldn't love, and when i should have let him go. 

I am tired of you never asking. Never wondering. I'm tired of you all taking and never giving. 

I'm tired of those broken promises and half sheltered lies.

I'm tired of your opinions becoming my regret. 

I'm tired of your thoughts becoming my actions. 

I had become scarred over with ideas that my faults were bigger than my strengths. You tell me I'm wrong, I'm selfish, I'm unrealistic, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not ambitious enough, I'm spoiled, I'm stubborn, I'm mean, I'm arrogant. You tell me I'm good for you, but I wasn't good enough for him.

 

I may be a little OCD. I may mix up names and forget dates. It's true, I forget to e-mail, i forget to call. But I love deeper than anyone you'll ever know. And selfish; selfish i am not. And if you had taken the time, you would see that. 

 

And to unrealisitc.. i say my life has been all too real, don't i deserve some fantasty, some happy ever after?

To you I say this.. 

I take my life back. I take my heart back. I take my thoughts, my actions, my choices.. back. 

Your opinions will stay on your side, and never again cross over into what I hold dear. Me. 

I will decide from this moment on, who I love, where I go, what i do, who i see, what i believe, whom i forgive, what i forget, what i wear....

I'll take over deciding everything, from what color I want my hair to the colors of my mismatched socks. 

I will respect you for the person you have uniquely become. But now I will find my own uniqness.. that spark that makes me, me. Maybe you can respect that.

And i'll do it with God alone. No one else. 

Truth, Elska