As everyone, I long to be someone to somebody, I yearn for a hero who will clear my distress'. I want to feel lovely and be lovely to one amazing man who will allow me to be his everything. I wish to dote upon one and be sustained in doing so. Vice Versa.
Yet as a twist in my recent story, in my current tale... I feel free to just be whomever and wherever my unmarked trail shall lead me. I am content in knowing i have loved but one, whether one has loved me or not. I admit in my history and current state of dating.. or absence of such, with my constant twitter-pated heart and desire to always be in love i have shown the aptitude of a folly young lady and my fault lies in portraying the very same as a rather intriguing fickle one in relationships. Rather, i hope the true opinion of others and any such suiters is found in my honest character, not an inept assumption .
I do not rant for an unused purpose. I am 'kind of' dating someone. Though the finality of it has not been decided or discussed.
I find delight in the current standing of my life with or without love yet in the corners of my love life mind i sit with questions. Doubts are my barricade and wonder fuels my curiosity. I cannot comprehend my own heart and I ponder the possibilities as any young girl does, of a future and what it may look like. Wrapped in coils of misunderstandings and wrong impressions i led myself and others to believe what we will name a lie. Now, in him being unveiled, i find truth yet i am unsettled in these, in what i cannot decide is honesty or deceit.
Does doubt hold the very essence of the answer i seek?
Most of all i have concluded that a heart is not always to be trusted. In my circumstance i will use my head and bring logic in to my understanding and awareness.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained... right?
I suppose.
Though i find myself agreeable in acknowledging the pain and oft hurt that may come with such a venture in which from time to time has forced me into harsh whispers of prayer for the fortitude i so lack.
As an amazing author once wrote, love 'is' a game. "For as with games, love is rife with strategies. It demands patience and extends- just out of reach- the lure and promise of a winner. As well as a loser."
For now i will dance every dance, feel free and young and delight in being delighted and delightful.
