When my heart breaks, In the past I would find somewhere to run. Somewhere to hide. In short; I would move somewhere very far away.
The last and farthest place being Hawai'i.
Something in the 'get away' solves the pain I don't always know how to sort out myself.
In these moves I also come to find myself, and discover someone in me that can be likeable.
I come to see that love hurts when it comes crashing down around you... but it is always worth it.
So I pick myself up, dust off the dirt from the fall, and try harder the next time.
October 9th.
I flipped my claddagh ring back around. Around in the direction I was eagerly excited to remove it from a month previous. But all the same, I followed suit to the standing of the day and placed it in a symbolizing direction of the status I resumed.
Though I left the bracelet. I can't yet remove the bracelet.
My heart aches. So I opened my laptop to choose a destination.
I'm having a hard time breathing... I needed somewhere to find breath.
It just so happens that the destination I picked was the choice of a trip my brother Jamon and I had planned yet never taken last year; so- my sorrowful/heart searching day trip, turned into a Jamon and I adventure on a Saturday afternoon last weekend.
Granted I chose the smoggiest city ever- But it did give me the fresh air escape I needed. If only for a short day. It was a gorgeous, hot and toasty day. and we painted the town.
SAN FRANSISCO
Thank you for being my short escape.
I love where I am at this point in my life.
I wish I was going to school. I'd rather be dating Lincoln.
And my own place would be killer awesome.
But everything is grand right now besides those points.
I no longer wish to get sucked into my previous life of disappearing or 'running'.
Don't get me wrong.. if adventure calls- I'll follow.
But moving around to stay away from something I love, loved, or hurt from.. no thank you.
I face those things these days. I gather all that fluffy hurt round about me and I teach it that I can no longer be bossed around through its pain.
This is the older... more mature Shaina.
Welcome Me. :)
Jamon had never flown on a plane before this day.
He had never realized before last Saturday that the world is a wonder from above, that you can lose yourself at those high altitudes when everything you ever wished to leave behind has no idea you've left it below.
Jamon had a small taste of what travel can do for your soul, for your heart, for your mind for your spirit. But he had never experienced the full dose.
This trip I believe gave him a rather large dose; and it was a beautiful beautiful thing to watch unfold.
I do believe Im going to embaress him by stating that he even shed tears on that wondrous flight , when he realized all the things I've been trying to explain for so long.
I'm so happy to have been a part of that wonder.
We left at 3:45 a.m. Saturday morning.
Forgot coat. turn around. grab coat.
Go.
Breakfast Poptarts from wally world.
Real breakfast stop in St George.
Gas lights on. "How long has that been on!!??"
Stop for gas, nearly to Las Vegas.
Jamon causes a gas spill, soaks clothing and smells like gas fumes the remainder of the morning.
Dubbed "Jamon's Morning Odor."
Airport. Yay!
Metal Plate in Jay's Shoulder.
Frisked for the first time by an airport security guard.
Airport. Plane. Tears. Happy happy joy joy.
Pictures. Videos. (COMING)
San Fransisco.
Every shop.
Over 60 Miles walked.
Fun.
If I never had another pair of clean socks, A brand new fluffy pillow, or a bowl of Mac&cheese; If I never tasted another delicious cup of Irish Cream Hot Chocolate, or spent the day with 'the squid' every again in my life time, I would be distraught, But I would be ok.
But... If I could never see another beautiful sunrise, walk through the departure gate of a quite morning airport, feel the take off of my destination in the G-force of a flight, or meet a stranger in a strange new town.
If I never had the chance to smell sweet Oregon rain again, bath in the glory of the western coast waters or travel side by side with the very people I love...
... I wouldn't make it.
I would sit down in the very place I once stood and refuse to move. Refuse to live.
I cannot do without those things.
They are what fuels me. They are what makes me. They are who i am. I am them. I am those experiences. I am those adventures.
The days before me and the days ahead are a piece of a Shaina I've come to love in a very uniquely 'me' way.
I hope one day some one will love that about this girl I am.
Until than, I and this worlds incredible wonders, have each other.
And Jamon, This day trip was the most wonderful "random" adventure I've ever taken.
I'm still excited that I can take a day trip with just a back pack to a new part of the world and write goodbye notes on mirrors that are acceptable to only our family. And take you with me. Me with you.
How truly incredibly wonderful we all are.
I love you.
( I did NOT carve this. It was already there which i found hilarious! and so cool )
