I always Cry....

I always cry, It doesnt matter how many times i've left, how many times ive said goodbye. its never something i get used to. 

4 months feels like 2 years. Is my time here really over so soon?

I guess it is, since im currently thousands of miles in the air, headed toward my first layover in Miami. 

I'll be reaching Cedar City by tomorrow morning. Than its off to what i hope to forever call home.. Oregon. 

Utah, Oregon, California, Greece, Mackinac Island, Hawai'i, St. Thomas, Europe and the east and west coast. Texas and Alabama, idaho and Arizona. 

What an amazing journey of life i've lived. If i died today, id die saying "I sure lived."

What a growing experience my 25 years has been. I feel so entirely blessed to have lived and loved, hurt and heal, fall and rise. 

I stare out of seat 22F gazing at the blue below and feel a love and fondness for St Thomas that i know i will always hold on to. St.T. gave me a strength i didnt have before. 

These memories the past four months. I learned to feel again. I re-awoke, re-committed, I remembered to not only look, but to see, not only touch, but to feel.

I'd lost allot of myself before, and in my first couple months here. But i am thankful for the peace of mind in knowing that being lost is ok- that its really about the inbetween.. the journey and the adventure in "finding" you. 

Because i found me again in taking the time to do so. 

Thank you St. T. 

The last night....

Hands in the air, we owned tonight. Shouts of goofy with friends I’ll never forget, unforgettable images of the past 4 months I’ll always remember. 

Tonight I’m smiling. Tonight I’m also finding a few tears as I take time to sit and just absorb. Mr. Chubbins, the dog I named fittingly, of whom I have no idea where he belongs… was whining outside my door tonight. I stopped my typing and went to investigate. The little guy, nose in the air and sad eyes, just stared at me, waiting to be invited in.

He broke my schedule for the night with one short whine that had me instantly sitting on the floor, giving him belly rubs through rambled quite one sided conversation as he soaked in the luxury of attention.

As cheesy as it is, I found myself mid belly rub comparing this blonde stubby puppy to my time spent on St Thomas.

He came to my door, asking to be let in, Just as St Thomas came to me. He didn’t try to sneak by or force his way into my home, but kindly sat and asked... waiting for my answer.  Just as St Thomas waited for me. As soon as I let him in, ( not literally ) , a warmth came over me. I found a comfort in taking time to enjoy his company. I found a delight in just being there, sitting there, simply just enjoying.

St Thomas from the beginning was just an idea, that through my own asking and simply making the choice to try it out, became my new life.

I went through allot my first couple months here. I struggled with some things, made some really stupid choices, and found myself balled up and crying more times than I’d like to admit. I’d like to say in all actuality that I did ok, I picked myself up time and time again, made it, survived. Which I did. But if im honest with myself, when my saving grace(s) came along in four wonderful friendships, I found myself smiling with all sincerity again.

Just as Mr. Chubbins did for me.. they did for me. A warmth came over me in meeting Kameron, Jake, Joel and Charles. I found a comfort in taking time to enjoy their company. I found a delight in just having them in my life. Simply just enjoying.

For me, tonight was the perfect send off. I could not of asked for anything more than to spend my last evening in Beautiful St Thomas with anyone but Kameron, Jake, Joel and Charles.

I can never thank them enough for the opportunities they gave me. For the lessons they taught me. For their open arms in receiving me as part of the group. For their unselfish friendship.

I’m missing them already, and I’m still sitting in my little home in St Thomas…

Guys, If you ever happen upon this, Know I love you all.

Tomorrow will mark the morning I left the island for “Home”…Portland Oregon, I can’t wait to meet you again.