Dear Ma,
I'm sorry I'm not more kind to you.
It's been a tough two years and what we used to call a friendship of mutual respect is now something completely foreign to the both of us.
It's been a tough two years and what we used to call a friendship of mutual respect is now something completely foreign to the both of us.
I'm sorry were not friends as we were 5 years ago; or even 1 year ago.
I'm sorry for that time I yelled at you, and for that other time we yelled at each other.
I'm sorry for that time I yelled at you, and for that other time we yelled at each other.
I apologize if your tears were because of me.
I'm sorry we don't agree.
And I'm sorry you can't see me among the hurt inside of you.
I'm sorry we don't agree.
And I'm sorry you can't see me among the hurt inside of you.
I wonder if it is our differences, or our similarities that keep us from understanding one another; That has kept us from staying close to one another.
I am trying to be that better daughter; the one who listens to your sorrows & hands you hankies on the day's our pasts get the best of our emotions; But i feel i need to apologize for the fact that I'm not there yet.
So.......... I'm sorry.
So.......... I'm sorry.
I honestly love you Mom.
I DO understand; more than you give me credit for.
I have forgiven you, despite what the bad days cause you to believe.
I know you are not to blame for the broken relationship between you and my dad, or the sorrow i felt for a long time because of that.
Truth be told, I haven't had a mother in a long time. You see, I can't actually remember the last time I did.
I DO understand; more than you give me credit for.
I have forgiven you, despite what the bad days cause you to believe.
I know you are not to blame for the broken relationship between you and my dad, or the sorrow i felt for a long time because of that.
Truth be told, I haven't had a mother in a long time. You see, I can't actually remember the last time I did.
You've been caught between a life of your own independence, your love for Dad, and the life of HIS independence, to the intense extreme of losing the role of motherhood somewhere in the cross fires.
I don't blame you. How can I? Someone you wanted to and were supposed to love, for Eternity, walked away from you after 27 years. I know heart ache Mom. I know that pain. I know you don't think I can compare that to yours- but with my 'small' pain- I can imagine the severity of your own and I'm sorry for you. I wouldn't wish that for someone I love so much.
But Ma.... Your kids were forced to choose sides. Despite what you and Dad will probably ever believe- we couldn't love you both at the same time; it's still hard to love you both at the same time.
We had to decide who was wrong and who was right- who was at fault.
How to separate hate for the person to hate for the action.
Dad didn't just leave you- he walked out on his kids as well. He left ALL of us. And not only that- He walked out on everything he taught us to believe in. Everything he invested into bringing us up into the people we are today.
Some of us doubted testimonies... some of us doubted love, we doubted 'forever', promises, honesty, relationships, each other.
We all sought for someone to explain... something to understand.. anyone to blame.
But at the same time- We were losing our mom as well. We lost you in the whirlwind of you losing him.
You forgot you still had family- and thought we'd left you too, before we even did.
I don't hate you Mom. I love you. I don't blame you. I forgive you.
I just miss you. The you you were when I needed a mom.
It's hard when you feel more mature than your adult parents; when the roles change and you have to be the comforter for them.
But this life has never been easy- and I'm grateful for the struggles that keep molding me day in and day out.
Thank you for the good times we've had together.
Italy, New York, Vegas..
Thank you for your beautiful smile you gave to me, as well as your twinkly eyes.
The testimony you raised me with is something I'll never be able to express the depth of my gratitude to you for. But simply, Thank you- It has changed my life more than you would believe.
Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to show the world the talents I don't always see in myself.
You have always been my biggest fan.
You are a pillar of light, and an angel in the lives you touch. And you have touched many.
You brought Joya, and Davie Cakes into our family and for them I too will never be able to express my gratitude. I love them both dearly but David as you know, became my best friend; a friend I needed at the right time, and only God could have known how to bring about that miracle for me, through someone else- in this case, Cetusa... you.
You are my hero Mom- in so many ways.
One day I hope our friendship and mother/daughter relationship can find it's way back to us.
I will always love you.
Your daughter,
Shaina
I don't blame you. How can I? Someone you wanted to and were supposed to love, for Eternity, walked away from you after 27 years. I know heart ache Mom. I know that pain. I know you don't think I can compare that to yours- but with my 'small' pain- I can imagine the severity of your own and I'm sorry for you. I wouldn't wish that for someone I love so much.
But Ma.... Your kids were forced to choose sides. Despite what you and Dad will probably ever believe- we couldn't love you both at the same time; it's still hard to love you both at the same time.
We had to decide who was wrong and who was right- who was at fault.
How to separate hate for the person to hate for the action.
Dad didn't just leave you- he walked out on his kids as well. He left ALL of us. And not only that- He walked out on everything he taught us to believe in. Everything he invested into bringing us up into the people we are today.
Some of us doubted testimonies... some of us doubted love, we doubted 'forever', promises, honesty, relationships, each other.
We all sought for someone to explain... something to understand.. anyone to blame.
But at the same time- We were losing our mom as well. We lost you in the whirlwind of you losing him.
You forgot you still had family- and thought we'd left you too, before we even did.
I don't hate you Mom. I love you. I don't blame you. I forgive you.
I just miss you. The you you were when I needed a mom.
It's hard when you feel more mature than your adult parents; when the roles change and you have to be the comforter for them.
But this life has never been easy- and I'm grateful for the struggles that keep molding me day in and day out.
Thank you for the good times we've had together.
Italy, New York, Vegas..
Thank you for your beautiful smile you gave to me, as well as your twinkly eyes.
The testimony you raised me with is something I'll never be able to express the depth of my gratitude to you for. But simply, Thank you- It has changed my life more than you would believe.
Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to show the world the talents I don't always see in myself.
You have always been my biggest fan.
You are a pillar of light, and an angel in the lives you touch. And you have touched many.
You brought Joya, and Davie Cakes into our family and for them I too will never be able to express my gratitude. I love them both dearly but David as you know, became my best friend; a friend I needed at the right time, and only God could have known how to bring about that miracle for me, through someone else- in this case, Cetusa... you.
You are my hero Mom- in so many ways.
One day I hope our friendship and mother/daughter relationship can find it's way back to us.
I will always love you.
Your daughter,
Shaina
1 comment:
So honest. Well said. Sucks, eh?
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