The cowboy Idea

Letter Challenge Day#7: Your Ex-boyfriend, Crush, Love.

Dear Eddie Roundy,

Hi. 

This must seem a little strange. Not that you'll ever read this; but that doesn't eliminate just how random writing a letter to you on a blog you'll never find is.

Here I type anyways. 

So hello to you. How are you? I hope you've found some kind of substantial happiness in your life, whether that revolves around a girl, 'that' girl, or not. 

I can tell you that for about the last 2 1/2 to 3 years, I've wanted to come face to face with you at random; even prayed for it a few times ashamedly; on a day courage is just boiling over within me. A day when the words are there on the tip of my tongue and I can serve them to you on nothing resembling a silver platter. 

In the world of my head, I eloquently, yet fiercely, stun you with the honesty of my speech. You stutter on an apology, confessing the state of misery you've been in since you realized I was the best thing that ever happened to you and I leave you with my hand mark etched in red across your left and right cheek bones. Knowing that now you see just how terribly you hurt me and tortured me through so many years. 

But that would be a different world, where my malice got the upper hand, with my ego subsequently inflated.

And not the world of here and now. 

In this world- I miraculously hold no more malice. I shouldn't have to begin with. 

In fact, there is allot I shouldn't have done. 

I shouldn't have hated you for so long. I shouldn't have hurt for so long. I certainly shouldn't have let binge eating my feelings away make me fat and miserable. 

I shouldn't have been angry when you chose her instead.

And I shouldn't have let myself self play yo-yo with you for so long. 

But you could delete that last one- because playing yo-yo with you created the today me. And during the times you held onto that yo-yo rather than yo-yoing ? :/ it around- I loved riding beside you. 

I loved allot of things during those times. One of them was the idea of you. 

It was a beautiful idea. An idea I wanted you to share so badly. 

But I know now- that there are bad ideas, good ideas, sensational ideas, really terrible ideas, stupid ideas, and ideas that won't always be best in the end result. 

In a mixture of all- you defined the last one. 

So Hey, Eddie. 

I forgive you. Will you forgive me?

And Eddie.... Thank you for looking at me as if I was the only girl on the planet. Thank you for letting me get lost in that smile. Thank you for being the somebody who listened to every little or giant story I had to tell to somebody. 

Thank you for giving me a story.

You were my endless, hopefull, sensational, idea, for a long, long, long, long time. 

And I can honestly say, I do not regret you. 

I hope on that random day when we meet again and new words are on the tip of my tongue; you'll understand what I mean when I say, "You changed me."

I will always hold you dear to my heart for the things you taught me and the Eddie you were to me.

♥Shaina