Break through......

Dear you, Dear self, Dear me,
I found myself hiding in the bathroom.
I couldn't pull my body from the tight ball it had curled into.
My eyes poured tears i haven't seen or felt in far too long.
To be honest... I cant even remember the last time I cried.
And this time, once it had started, I couldn't get it to stop.

The feeling was refreshing. I felt human again for awhile, I felt more than just pain; and more importantly, I felt something more than just 'numb'.

I wasn't sure how to handle myself. I wasn't sure what to do, or even how to decipher what I was feeling... why i was crying. So i just let it happen.
I hugged my knees in utter agony and felt every tear slide down my face, i felt the burn on my cheeks as they multiplied in their numbers and fell rapidly as if in a race to fall off the end of my face and hit the floor.

My chest pumped in pain. I felt my soul rip in two, and my spirit screaming to be let loose. Every part of me hurt. Every part in pain.
I couldn't move; finding my body incapable of movement, immobile, and paralyzed with its turmoil.
Its been so long since it ached... so long.
What could I do if i didn't know what I was even feeling?

Did Bobby get to me? Did memories? Did stupid facebook, or someones lovey dovey post?
Or is all this really me? coming from no one else.. but me.
I dont know how i see things anymore... I dont know how or what to feel.
But I guess it's a break through that I'm able to.

 ♥Elska