Goodbye Malice

I'd like to say something to all of you. Though you have no idea who you are. And I have no intent to point it out. Only to point out points so i can let it go.. and be done. Because after all.. writing is my release, and as part of 'moving on'.. i have to get these off my chest. And no.. i don't want to "talk about it".

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You didn't have to lie. I liked you just the way you were. And I respected the fact that I thought you were honest. You've lost that.

You should have said "Id still like to get to know you." rather than kiss me in the fashion you did and than say so long because I'm moving.

 I wanted you to 'hear' me, not just listen. 

 I wish you would believe me when I say I miss you and stop hating me for trying to be a friend.

If bitter faded, I wouldn't know you anyhow. But even still, I miss whoever it was I once knew.

You cheated on her with both of us, and cheated on us with her, and lied to the three of us. Calling me the 'puppy at your heels' was a cowards way of becoming the victim. 

 I had every good intention, you overlooked them all.

I hate too many things you've done to even count. but I'm tired of hating.

 If you could drop assumptions and just see how much love I carry for you, our relationship would change in an instant.

 I wish that It would have been easier to have given myself permission to care for you.. but sometimes you can't change who you don't love. 

The choice you made was wrong, and you will always know that.

 When you used the phrase "prime candidate" i should of ran. I sank both our ships, taking our turns at forcing them down, but you made sure they stayed at the bottom.

I still don't know If i should be hurt by when you said i was too fat for you to care for, or if i should be grateful because it made me change.

 I sometimes wish my religion wasn't important enough to me to keep us apart.

I wish you'd grow up and be someone she deserves

I wish she didn't choose you. But I'm grateful she did.

I want you out of my head. Your opinion still plagues me. 

 Seeing you happy makes me realize i was wrong. this isn't hateful.. it's an apology. 

You knew every wound yet you kept pressing. you knew how i felt and you still made it worse. I shouldn't- but i wish karma bites you in the butt.

You wanted me to see you.. yet you didn't stop the cruel emails long enough to see what you were doing, let alone to see me. for you, I don't wish Karma. I wish Happiness.. because you need it. 

Your every word I can come up with for taking me out because you thought i'd give more. And ignoring me afterward because you didn't get the brunt of what you wanted makes me sick to know I even got in your car. 

You didn't even give us a fighting chance before you set it up for failure and decided against me. You could have been honest, but instead you fiddled with truth and trifled with lies and than used it against me in the picture of you and her. I'm regretful for how I felt and how long I keep feeling it. 

I ache when I hear your name.

Just get married so we can be done.

I wish you hadn't cried, because of it, I still wonder.

 For all the malice and hate that has become attached to me through these people and the hurt you've caused that I've held on to... I leave it behind. I leave you all behind.

Goodbye.