A blessed heater......

Tonight I don't feel like writing a blog about 'feelings' or depression. Or anything else I've been writing about. 

But I do feel like writing. 

Tonight a regular customer came in to purchase Diesel, one of my favorite few. We talked about politics and extremists ideals as we always do; I mentioned I was freezing. He commented on the random act of snow we had earlier today that brought the temperature down.

We said goodbye and he drove away like always. 

20 minutes later, that same favorite customer, Nathanial, sets a tiny portable heater on the counter and says "Tell Kurtis (my boss) it's from me, I hope he lets you use it."

And that's it. 

I thank him until he gets tired of my thank yous and leaves with a smile. 

Sometimes the little acts of a stranger, that knowledge that they've 'seen' you and have acknowledged your presence, makes life not seem so bleak and lonely, when the bleak and lonely moments are ruling your life. 

It's those days that the air smells sweeter, and it doesn't feel so cold outside.

Tonight I'm grateful for people like Colter, Jake, Meagan, John John, Mike, Kamie, Peggy, My dad, & Kelan. 

People that don't forget I exist, when I want to forget that fact myself. 

People that shake my shoulders, raise my head and take off the anvils strapped to my back..

People that love me. 

People that know me. 

People that read my silly blog and put up with me in person. 

Tonight my thoughts are scattered in a million different particles. what to do, where to go, how to play the game and how to win sometimes. Worries and wonders, struggles and pains. Happiness and the constant search for it. 

I feel bogged down. I feel depleted and exhausted. but not hopeless or helpless. 

I don't know if I'm ready to start again.... but I want to be. I want to see something bright again. To "live" inside again. 

And I am willing to be ready... 

Thats kind of a fun feeling. a weird.. fun feeling.