B.C. Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?

My head needs to shut off. 

Or turn on. 

I can't figure which. 

Either way, it is 2:04 a.m. 5 1/2  hours left of my 10 hour swing to grave shift. 

And I. am. exhausted.

Heres day #2

Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?

I'm not sure you can measure "change"with an amount.

I'm really not even sure how to answer this. 

Am i to say, I changed allot. I changed a little. I changed 1/2 cup. ?

You see. 2011 was filled with so many variables. It started off amazing, living with my Pa. Raising ducks, dyed my hair Ariel red, spent the spring in Texas with my best friend, the summer in San diego twice. I dated two amazing people who both chose a different road. I spent my birthday in Oregon and one amazing day trip out of state with my brother. 

But the end of the year brought so much change in the form of heartache that I swear I almost ceased to exist. 

And there are the 'inbetweens' of daily life that procure a change of heart, mind, might and spirit.

I changed. Infact, I think I became the change I didn't wish to change into. 

if were talking a measure of scale here, a 1 to 10 ratio... 1 being the least and 10 being the most... 

Hmm... Even than i couldn't say. 

1 would reflect the change that didnt occur... which was allot.. which left little change behind. 

Yet at the same time, 10 would reflect the big change my heart made.. my head made. 

If the question is looking for an answer, which questions usually do... I don't have one. 

Change I guess is in the beholders eye. 

I see myself differently.. I think differently... and I even move differently, speak differently. 

I suppose if I were to measure my change in some kind of measurable form.. 

I would tell you that you could fill a bathtub with the change I didnt make. 

and a small bucket with the change I forced upon what 'was' good change, towards the end of the year, the kind of change I chose, no one else, to sabotage myself with.

The kind of change I'm trying to change, today.