A ramble of sorts

People think I've yet to enjoy this place. 

And if your involved with that train of thought, you would be wrong. 

Paradise. 

Typically associated with White sand beaches, warm weather that leaves no room for goose bumps and an ocean just waiting for you to enter it. 

Paradise.

Maybe it's not in a place... but a kind of resignation within ourselves.... within your heart, that only you and you alone can measure. 

"Paradise comes with its own inherent pressures. It screams "Be Happy God Damn it!"

A good friend of mine who I have come to develop a deep respect and fondness for loaned me a book called "The Geography of Bliss". It's the tale and findings of one mans hunt for the Happiest place on earth. 

Towards the end as he is headed back to America after a year abroad, he states " I am relieved to be leaving this craziness behind. I want to stay. A contradiction? Yes, but one i can live with and even learn to enjoy."

I leave St Thomas on January 5th. Nearly 5 months earlier than i originally planned. A piece of me feels a tremendous sadness to be leaving behind a life and a people that i was learning and loving to embrace. Yet in the same breath, I smile wide when I think of packing my bags and flying away. 

I've been soaring around for so many years, to so many places, to so many homes that were never entirely mine. I've had too many years of borrowing beds and wishing i had a closet i could unpack in. 

I was ready to trade in my wings for roots before i came here. But I doubted that decision for a long enough minute to plan one more Hoorah. 

And it's been a celebration of sorts... a rebirth. definitely.

I've done an incredible amount of Introspection since i've been here. And i'm so pleased to finally say that I know where i want to take the next chapter of my life. 

 it's a beautiful thing when you begin to see yourself as you always wanted the rest of them to.

 i guess this blog post doesnt have allot of purpose... I keep wanting to circle around my words ... nothings coming out right. so instead... I'm just going to end.

Enjoy the day. I know I have.

-Elska