Last weekend after a long day of Pj prancing and an all morning chocolate milk binge, I picked up a book on captivating the womans soul and read with my thoughts only on the words that flowed easily from eye to eye. Suddenly tears exploded from no where and i got up helplessly seeking a distraction from the storm that overtook my relaxing morning read. To no avail i gave in, collapsing on the couch, soaking the once brown pillows with my rain drop sized mascara filled tears.
I never think of her, i have tried my hardest for so long to kick her from my immediate thoughts that i could have almost been proud of the way i had perfected it. When i speak her name its rare, quick and then change of subject, when others speak her name i leave the room. Yet here i was, crying for the sister who i so horridly miss.
My perfection in hiding her memory from my own memories decieved me as the flow of tears threatened to never run out of supply.
I miss her. There- i said it. I hate that she left- and continues to run. I despise the fact that my best friend, my twin in every action, my sister who i never saw a sun ray without abandoned me, abandoned our friendship, abandoned our family. The worst part is.... I blame myself.
There are moments and things that remind me of her, i just pretend they dont. I can't eat popcorn without remembering her addiction to that buttery deliciousness.. i can't use chapstick without taking a quick daydream into the store where we bought package after package just because they looked promising or pretty on the outside. I miss small town panguitch with my silly jealousy of her beauty taking away all the harty accented cowboys.
So i sit alone, pondering now, the life she's living- and i pray she finds happiness.. somewhere... someday.. And just maybe.. maybe, she'll visit me. If even for a split second.
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