Finally elated

To quote one of my favorite movies 

"You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for Go(sh) sake!" -Iris- The Holiday

She is absoulutly right. And I've fallen behind somewhere along the line, letting others tow me along. 

The sad thing is.. I know exactly where that line was.. is. 

The miraculous part is that somehow, today, this very moment, I've suddenly experienced a paradigm shift; a perception change if you will that instantly is more clear to me than anything ever has been before. 

 I'm cutting that tow rope this moment, and letting you go. Finally. FINALLY!

It's about time really. 

"This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.. and your not going to be in it!" -Iris- The Holiday

I can't decide if it's the sad thing.. or the best thing... but I'm ok with this. No.. It is the best thing. the best part. 

Somehow I see through the thick and realize that I'm done toying with my own heart, hoping you'll come find me.. hoping you'll love me.. making plans to somehow run into you, making plans to move closer to you.. 

I've kid myself for far too long and this new freedom feels like elation!

For the last 9 years I've either been in love, broken hearted, or breaking hearts. 

I've lived in excruciating misery for far too long.

This year I want to experience something else. 

I think it's called "Me"

Shaina. 

I lost her quite a few times. 

I think i'll find her again. Maybe I'll like her. 

Yay to 2011. Celebrate.

:)

And goodbye to the you, the one you know you are.

Oh.. and thank you Tuesday. Some how I woke up different. 

(my insides feel as giddy as this kid looks )