Once again......

I pick one one foot up just to place it down upon a thorn.

The hole left behind is more painful then the pain of the prick.

Is it possible to be lost... again? 

As if I was the wick of an evening candle, let out on a windy day; my glowing flame was distinguished. Unable to re-light through the tumultuous storm.

In a new world I still find myself as the Shadow in a corner void of light.

A fly on the wall watching the movements of those in front of me,memorizing their conversations to pass the time, hiding from being involved.

Today the sun beats down hot against my already sun-kissed face. Country music serenades my soul and the smell of ribs basking in Teriyaki sauce is carried on the wind. Tantalizing my taste buds.

Details of what should have been the perfect barbecue, but i sit miserable in my glorious Hawaiian surroundings. Letting the absence of you ruin opportunity.

The day tarries on as I receive bad news.

I take off, running against the humid pavement.

Finding myself in the center of a baseball field I crouch to the ground and cry, relinquishing all because I don't know how else to channel the emotions.

I feel like I hate, because I'm trapped in a land I do not understand.

I feel the need to run because I hate this current life.

I sit on the moist earth, basking in my own thoughts. Pondering within because I don't want anyone to hear me out loud.

Suddenly there are running steps brushing through wet grass behind me and someone grabs my shoulders quickly before sitting in a place to my left.

"Hold your head high."

He begs me not to cry. Tells me I'm better than this. I'm asked to remember to keep moving forward. He tells me to never hang my head in sorrow; that I've done more than enough and now it's his turn to carry.

Once again, I cry because I don't know how else to channel my emotions.

I'm lost. I'm trapped in this void of not knowing where to push forward to. I'm sick of trying. I just want to get there already.

I am sick and tired.. of being sick and tired.

but today's a new day.. and through the sorrowful tears and painful bruises.. I'm coerced to face the dawn, stepping out onto a new patch.. hoping to skip the obstacles.