It's interesting that someone can have close friends and no nothing of what is going on in their daily lives. I stand next to a lady in the grocery store isle and wonder if that look on her face is boredom or pondering. The woman in the book store doesn't hold her husbands hand or gaze into his eyes, is their relationship struggling? The man behind the check stand doesn't smile when i say hello, is he silently grieving? A woman cries in her car as i pass in my own, why does she cry?
It's interesting what gets tossed into our arms when we've dropped our guard. The thing is, I truly don't want to catch this one... My head screams, my heart is heavy and my legs just wish to run further than i am allowed. I shut it out and avoid discussions. I wont see it if i don't think it. Why does it seem this is more agonizing for me than anyone else?
In the miserable process of allowing grief to fade into the corners, i find myself again and realize how i handle such situations is to dive into service and seeking out what i am passionate about.
My book is underway again- working got in the way of the talents i was striving to increase and goals i was reaching for. I will be in the publishing process in June. Goal #1.
I'm going to start a martial arts class twice a week with my sisters, and we started running every morning together.
I signed up for Big brothers big sisters and will hear from them later this week.
I made the decision to serve a mission. Now I'm striving more than ever to pay off my debt quickly so i can put my papers in at the end of this year.
Most of all... I wonder if you can be happy and miserable at the same time? Is there space enough for both within the jumble of emotions in my head?
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